Grilling in Paradise

“...you want to buy a fish?” Dexter asked us.

“Yeah.”

“Like, to cook?”

“Yeah. Where can we get one?”

A surprised smile crept across his face, different from when he had been going through his spiel trying to sell a boat trip to my girlfriend, Dana, and I.

“Wow,” he said, “That’s unusual. You guys aren’t like most tourists! Especially from America...” he trailed off, then gave us specific directions to a place nearby where fishermen sold their catch for the day.

We thanked him and turned our back on what had been, unquestionably the best beach we had found on Tobago. It had taken a bit of a hike to get there, and we’d been drenched by rain twice on the way. But at the end we found white sand and calm turquoise waters on a gentle slope with just the right amount of shade from the nearby palm trees. We even had a rainbow show up for most the afternoon. We didn’t need to look for another beach after that one.

I came for a vacation. Not quite like the adventure or immersion or anything I usually seek out on my on on the road. I was just here to relax. As long as I keep my impact as positive as I can, I’m okay with being a tourist for a few days. But that didn’t mean completely staying in the bubble.

Dana and I walked past the first place the guide had told us about. It was a roadside stand near a wooden fence and corrugated metal roof, in a line of buildings sandwiched between the rainforest and the Caribbean Sea. You could see the boats the fishermen had been using, anchored just on the other side of the beach. The only fish available though, was a large kingfish. We hadn’t brought much cash to the beach, so we passed it up, heading back to our room about half an hour away.

We wrestled with the internet connection for a bit, and Dana found another possible fish market listed online. Between the two of us, my aunt Dane, and my cousin, Joyce, we had decided to rent a car for a couple days. Since we still had it, we thought we’d go check out the market listed in the next town over. I was one of the two listed drivers. Joyce was the other. Since Joyce has been a vegetarian for most of her life, Dana and I were definitely going to be the ones picking up the fish.

It was a simple drive, except for a few minor obstacles. First of all, the cars drive on the left side of the road. The driver sits on the right. I must have turned on the windshield wipers when I meant to signal a turn about a dozen times. The next problem was that the roads, while well paved, tended to be just wide enough for two cars side by side. Which would be fine, if people didn’t park on them. The parking created natural bottlenecks which the locals tended to take the way they took the numerous steep blind corner switchbacks: at about 30 km/hr above the speed limit.

I’m not going to pretend the roads were anywhere near the most dangerous I’ve seen. The drivers were competent, helpful, and calm, for the most part. But among other odd habits, they tended to drive right down the middle of the road unless they had a good reason not to. As it got dark, it started to seem like everyone was using their high beams, making it very hard to see.

So it was with some relief that we spotted a building marked “Mt. Irvine Fish Market” and pulled over to park.

The room inside was made almost entirely of white tile and linoleum, and the metal counter and washing stands were clean with running water at the kind of stations you’d see dishwashers in restaurants in the US, with a big sink and a dangling trigger hose. They had kingfish and mahi mahi. I was hungry, so we picked out a 4.5 lbs shiny mahi mahi. An old man came seemingly out of nowhere to take the order and ask if we wanted it filleted and skinned. We paid a large man in a yellow rubber apron TT$90 for the fish and tipped the man filleting it another TT$10. The fillet was handed to us in a double-wrapped plastic bag.

The complex we were staying in had public grills next to its hot tubs. Dana prepped the fish (well) and I grilled it (...less well). Joyce and Dane contributed their own spicy take on the local chickpeas with rice dish.

While other nights I’d tried local “Sunday Stew” Chicken, the massive curry-filled rotis, Calaloo soup, and a lot of other tasty meals, that meal with the fish was probably my favorite. I felt like we’d earned it.

(Check out Pictures from this Trip)

Next Trip: Tobago

I've been posting tips from time to time, but for the first time since I came back after my big trip, I'll be leaving the country again! I'm just going for a week, but I'll be somewhere I've never been before: Tobago.

Tobago is a Caribbean island, the smaller of the two main islands of the nation Trinidad and Tobago. Located just north of Venezuela, it's an English and Creole speaking country that requires no visas of American nationals staying for less than 90 days.

I leave Saturday morning, with my girlfriend, to meet my aunt and cousin. A little break from the acting life in the Big Apple.

It's beach time.

Drop Everything and Go

On Saturday afternoon, around 3pm, I was sitting in front of my computer in my Spanish Harlem apartment watching an old episode of a British Sci-Fi TV show in something like its thirty-second season, of which I've seen the latest six. I was waiting for the newest episode to come out in some form I could watch it. I don't think I was actually eating a bowl of cereal or sitting around in my underwear but I might as well have been, if it gives you an idea of the scene.

I won't say I was bored. I wasn't. Doctor Who is good stuff, if you're into that sort of thing. But I was sitting in front of a laptop, by myself, on a weekend.

Then I got a text message. It was my friend, Barry. It said "Hey I know it's last minute, but if you want to take the train out to Montauk tonight, you're welcome to stay here."

If stopping a spoonful of cereal halfway to my mouth while I'm mostly undressed, crouched in front of a computer screen helps get the gist of the image across, feel free to imagine it that way. I knew almost nothing about Montauk. I knew it was on the end of Long Island, and I vaguely remembered it mentioned in some movie I'd seen. That was it.

Didn't matter. That was all I needed.

I jumped out of the chair, called up Barry and started pacing. He was apologetic. He wanted to hang out, but it turned out there were no trains. Since I'd need to be back in the city by the next evening, it might not be worth the travel time. There was a bus, but it either left the upper east side at 5:30 and got in at 9:30pm, or left there at 3:30. And since it was already after 3:00pm...

I thought for a moment. Back at my computer, after a little searching, I pulled up the timetable and took a good look at that 3:30 bus. It made stops all along the east side before leaving, the upper east side, the closest stop to me, was the first. It passed just south of Grand Central Station around 4:00pm. Perfect. If I timed things just right...

I jumped up, packed a bag, called Barry up again to say I was coming, and dashed out into the rain. I raced up to 125th steeet to grab an express subway to beat the bus down to grand central. I swung out in time to grab more cash from an ATM for the bus fare, and rolled right up to the stop less than two minutes before the bus itself did. I was on, and on my way.

Getting on the bus felt good. But weirdly, what felt better was running through the rain with the bag on my back, out to catch the subway. Because once I was on the bus I was safe. While I was running, I was on an adventure. And it's been a long time since I had a taste of that. I'd forgotten how much I liked it.

That said, the evening and next day was some of the most relaxing time I've had away from "The City," as everyone calls it out here. Montauk is a beach town just east of the Hamptons. Technically it might be part of The Hamptons,depending on who you ask. But if you ask the people at the kinds of places Barry and I went, they would probably not take kindly to the insinuation. But that was because we were going into the kinds of places that didn't allow cell phones, yapping dogs, or, frankly, tourists.

So my Saturday went from sci-fi TV on my computer alone to seafood, drinks on the beach, watching mysterious paper lanterns and fireworks off in the distance... it was not how I'd pictured that day ending when I got up that morning. And then of course the next morning was more good food, more beach time, and then even more good food (first ever lobster roll at the place that made them famous, along with their seasonal pumpkin crab and lobster bisque). It was a great way to spend a weekend. All thanks to one text from a good friend.

Though I have to admit, the ability to pack a bag in under five minutes does help.

Next time you have a chance to just drop everything and go somewhere. Do yourself a favor and just go.
---
This entry cross-posted to my acting in NYC blog: Constant Audition.

Not All Who Go Missing Are Lost

I was home in Seattle for the last week. Eating breakfast, my mom handed me an article in the Seattle Times. It was titled “Social media's power: People around globe search for Stanford student”

The first paragraph was as follows:
“It is every parent's nightmare: a normally reliable child sets off on a journey, then vanishes without a trace. But through the power of social media, a small army of thousands of volunteers produced a happy ending in the case of Jacob Boehm.”

From this, you’d think that, while he was traveling Malaysia, he’d been captured by a militia, gotten lost on a mountain climb, or kidnapped by organ harvesters, only to be rescued in the nick of time by Facebook. If you want to read the article without spoilers, do so now before reading the next line.

He wasn’t in any of those places. He was happily hiking through a Malaysian national park in a group with a professional guide. He just didn’t happen to have cell or internet service in the park.

So why did this make the newspapers, including the New York Times? The huge number of people who became worried enough to get involved looking for the poor guy. Thousands of people, alerted by Facebook, Google+, and other parts of the social media sphere went looking for him. The US Embassy got involved. The Malaysian government went looking for him. They saw he’d last checked in at a town near a national park. So they sent in the park rangers to find him, and voila, there he was.

The “rescued” backpacker’s only public comment? “It’s a long story.”

I can’t really blame him. He wasn’t lost. He just made a lot of people scared on accident. Whoops.

What’s really incredible is that there is now almost nowhere in the world where you can’t be found. Think about it, a 22 year old was just found in the jungles of Malaysia by government officials at the request of his parents on the other side of the world in the USA. That’s nuts.

So, three lessons to learn from this:

First and most importantly, for travelers: If you’re going off the grid for multiple days, alert someone back home. You don’t have to issue a plan, just give Mommy and Daddy a time frame after which they should start worrying.

Second for parents: If your child is traveling in the third world, remind him or her to let you know if they’re going off the grid. And if they don’t answer you phone calls or emails, it’s not because they’ve been kidnapped. The rest of the world is far safer than the news would have you believe. In many ways it is safer than the United States. So, I’m aware that you’d rather have your child safe and embarrassed than missing, but give it some time before you send out a red alert.

Third, for the media: Nobody is rescued unless someone is in actual danger. When you find a person and they were actually fine all along, don’t treat it as a heroic rescue. The story isn’t in that they found him, the story is in what happened when they tried to find him. And while yes that is mentioned in the last paragraph of your story, it should be right up there in the first.

image courtesy of Wikipedia

Travel Tip: Choosing a Travel Companion

I mostly travel alone. I do what I want, where I want, when I want. But not everybody likes doing things that way. I have teamed up with other travelers a few times and it 's true, traveling in pairs or groups has its advantages:

-Sharing rooms is usually cheaper than getting a single room, and sometimes even cheaper than getting a single bed in a dorm.
-You can go places you wouldn't feel safe or comfortable going alone.
-You can pool together funds for experiences you couldn't otherwise afford solo (renting a car for example).
-Someone you trust can taste that weird local delicacy made out of insect larvae and tell you whether it's any good before you try a bite (Stephen, I'm looking at you and your Korean silk worms).

A good travel buddy can let you go further and have more fun. And they will probably get you to try things you would never have tried on your own, many of which you will really enjoy. Some you won't, but that's the risk you take.

A bad travel buddy can make both of your trips an absolute nightmare. So you want to choose wisely. It's like having a roommate who you see almost every hour of every day for the duration of your trip. Even some of your best friends, and yes, your significant other, can be terrible travel companions.

Here are a few things you need to discuss before deciding to hit the road together, with a few extra notes for couples at the end:

-Budget. This is probably the main cause of friction between travel buddies that aren't romantically involved. If your budgets don't match, every time one of you spends money, one of you will feel like cheapskate and pressured into buying things you can't afford, and the other will feel like an extravagant showoff and like they're being forced into second rate... well, everything. Compare notes on how much you want to spend on food, transport, and lodging, and what your idea of a reasonable price for a day's activity is.

-Travel Speed. Some people like traveling slowly. Some people don't. This also ties into budget-- faster is more expensive. But if you feel rushed or bogged down by your companion, you're going to start to resent them. NOTE: The more people you travel with, the slower you usually travel, just by virtue of everyone having to see if everyone else is ready to do anything.

-Conflict Resolution Skills. You could both be saints, but at some point, I can almost promise you, something you do is going to get on the other person's nerves, and vice versa. When you two have differences, can you resolve them in a mature, efficient manner that leaves both of you feeling okay about it later? This should be discussed, and possibly tested before you hit the road.

-Interests. Having different interests is fine-- the problems start when your buddy is actively disinclined to try something you want to do. For example, if you're an avid rock climber, and your buddy has a panic attack if he's outdoors for more than four hours at a time, you're gonna have issues. Likewise, if your goal is to try every different kind of beer made in a region of the world, and your buddy hates bars, trouble is brewing (sorry). Having different interests usually ends up opening new doors for people, showing them things they wouldn't ordinarily have experienced. But if people prevent you from pursuing the interests you hit the road to pursue, it's going to be a problem.

-Cultural Respect. It's embarrassing to travel with someone who continually puts their foot in their mouth. We all do it once in a while, but some travelers seem to do it every five minutes. If you are going somewhere with a different culture, make sure you're going with someone who will treat it with respect. They don't have to know all the little rules for being polite, they just have to be thoughtful about figuring out what they are and doing their best to abide by them. Having to apologize for your friend's single mistake is a good story. Having to apologize for your friend's repeated mistakes over and over is just aggravating. And I can tell you firsthand, the fifth time you hear "Well I'm just not used to having to _____, because we don't do that back home," you're going to want to smack someone.

-Physical Condition. If you want to go walking all over town every day, and your buddy has to stop for breath after a flight of stairs, you might not want to travel together. Yes, the out of shape one will get in better shape, but it's going to be a long and arduous wait for both of you before that happens. It's hard to predict how much you'll be walking around, but you can guess what your tolerance is, and choose someone with a similar level, so you can walk as much as you want, and don't feel bad calling a cab when you don't want to walk anymore.

-Special Needs. Diabetic? Vegan? Pack-a-day smoker? Your potential traveling buddies need to know before you leave, because it will affect their travel experience, too.

-Alcohol/Drugs. Similarly, if you intend to get hammered and stoned every couple of days, you need to make sure its on your buddies' agendas and budgets as well, since they're likely going to be the ones that have to take care of you when it happens. It's easiest to just travel with someone who wants to try what you want to try when you want to try it, because then at least you can take turns being the designated responsible guy who knows where the hostel is and can walk straight.

Now I would like to include a couple special notes for a special brand of traveling companion: those in relationships. You could be married, you could have just met in a hostel last week and really liked each other. Either way, you need to be clear on a couple (ha) minor points:

-Make an effort to know the cultural norms of dating and public displays of affection. Some places have couples making out on every corner. Others are scandalized by hand holding. Still others find it offensive to even see a woman traveling with someone who is not their husband or relative. For these last places, choose one of those two stories and stick to it. This is not an opportunity to try to force your cultural norms on another nation, even if they seem more progressive.

-If you're sexually active, think about when you will and won't be able to get private accommodations, and bring plenty of whatever birth control methods you use with you. Local variants are not always reliable.

-This is a tough one to approach, but if you are planning on traveling together for more than a month or so, and have never traveled together before, it might be worth discussing the worst case scenario: a mid-trip breakup. Even if you can't imagine it ever happening, being together 24/7 in completely different surroundings and occasional discomfort can bring out sides to people you never knew existed. Is your plan and schedule flexible enough to allow you to go your separate ways?

-On that note, even if you are really happy, you should plan some time apart. You'll each get to do your own thing that the other person doesn't like, whatever it is. And after that, it makes meeting up and being together again feel that much better.

And there you have it! Hope this help you find a traveling companion or three that makes your trips more enjoyable and memorable.

One Year Later

It's been exactly a year since I returned to the US. I've been in this country the entire time. I think a couple of my friends had bets riding on that, so congrats to whoever won those.

The year has been the best answer I seemed able to come up to the following question: "If you accomplish your life's dream at age 23, what do you do next?"

Choose a new dream, I guess.

I remember at one point in college hearing that a high school friend of ours was spending her summer acting and waiting tables in New York City. That sounded pretty good to me.

So, above you can see a wall of my Manhattan one-bedroom apartment. Almost eight months since I moved here, and I've just been cast in my third show. I'm not waiting tables. Sort of tried it as a banquet server briefly, didn't like it much, got jobs elsewhere. I just got home from tutoring a brilliant student from a wealthy family in physics and math. Between tutoring gigs like that and some office work in a voiceover recording studio, I'm able to pay rent and occasionally do fun things. Like skipping town with my girlfriend and some of our friends to see Atlantic City. I think one or two of our friends drank more than I did over the course of my whole trip, and that's including Oktoberfest. I digress.

Nobody seems to know what to make of what I did. It's a bit like a veteran coming home from a war. It's amazing how nobody ever seems to ask you about what it was like. I tell people what I did and they're clearly impressed, but nobody knows what to say next. So they drop the topic and go back to gossiping about what happened on Facebook, complaining about their work/school, or talking about something else that's actually current and relevant to them.

I don't want to be the guy whose stories all come from last year. I think a lot of my life has been driven by my innate fear of being boring. I don't honestly think I'm in much danger of that anymore, but when you set the bar at a certain height for "interesting," your perspective gets a little bit warped.

But it's been a year since I've had to think about being a foreigner anywhere. I mean, in a lot of small ways, I'll always feel like a foreigner anywhere I go now. I haven't been home recently or long enough anywhere to really claim native stats. But the people here mostly speak my language, use the same measurement units I do, are used to the same political system and if not the same customs (I still refuse to accept how hard it is to recycle in this town or what kinds of comments about race and gender pass as acceptable), at least most cultural stuff here is kind of similar.

So, I'm an American in America, and have been for a year.

Weird.

Travel Tip: How to Host Couchsurfers

Hosting couchsurfers is a great opportunity for people who haven't yet traveled much, or who have traveled a lot and miss travel and travelers. Instead of going out to meet the world, have the world come to you.

Generally speaking if you make a couchsurfing profile and list yourself as having a couch available, you're going to get a couple messages a week asking if someone can stay with you. Hosting is a lot of fun, and usually results in a free drink, meal, gift etc of some sort (or at least a grateful backpacker doing your dishes). Not to mention invitations to stay with new friends all over the world.

If you're not comfortable opening your home up to strangers, that doesn't mean you can't help. One of your status options is "Meet for Coffee." Surfers often take people up on this. It's good for them to meet locals who can tell them about all the best things to see, do, eat, drink, etc in town. Plus you get to meet people from all over the world.

If you are ready to invite travelers to stay on your couch, switch the status to "yes" or "definitely." As the host, you have complete control over who comes to your place. Read profiles, talk to people a bit, and then choose who you'd like to host.

There are a few things you can do to make your experience a safe and fun one:

--On your profile, there is a section you fill out called "couch information." If you want to make sure people are actually reading your profile before sending requests, in the middle write the following sentence: "If you've read this section, please include the word "______" in your request." Obviously you pick the word. I do this to sort through people who actually want to stay with me vs people who just want a free place to crash and have spammed 100 people in town.

--When you get a request, look at the person's profile and check it for references and vouches. If any are neutral or negative, read them carefully before dismissing the surfer outright. If there are no references or vouches, it's your call, but I don't recommend hosting that surfer.

--Familiarize yourself with your local couchsurfing events and make some friends in the CS community. They can help you out in most situations.

--Never feel it is your obligation to host anyone, no matter how desperate they claim their situation to be. If they're out in the cold at midnight in a rough city and claim you're their only hope, that is entirely their fault, and it's not your responsibility to save them. They screwed up their planning. If you want to help such people, find a cheap hostel online and direct them to it.

--If for whatever reason you don't feel like hosting anyone for a time, do yourself a favor and change your couch status to "Maybe," "meet for coffee," or "No couch available."

--If you find you really enjoy hosting, change your couch status to "definitely" (you will come up in more searches) and consider joining a last-minute-couch-request group. Most cities have their own, just search for your city under the community tab, and look at the groups. These are for people whose hosts have backed out on them at the last minute, had planes canceled, or who are just lazy. You'll find a lot of very grateful friends this way.

Next, a few tips to make your guest's stay a good one:

--Know the cheapest public transit routes to your home from airports, bus stops, and train stations. Most couchsurfers are on shoestring budgets and are used to sitting on public transit for a long time.

--Get a couple maps of your town for surfers to borrow. These are going to be very useful to them.

--If you don't have one, open a Skype or Google Voice account. This will let you text international cell phones cheaply and easily, which is handy if you're trying to rendezvous with a guest who brought their cell from home.

--Don't feel that you have to provide constant entertainment or information. Couchsurfers as a rule are very self-sufficient and grateful for you simply letting them come to your home. Usually, if they need something, they'll ask for it.

That should be enough to get started. Happy hosting!